Hindsight is always better it is said
always invoking in me the transgressions
in my past of the egregious kind
conceived into an ethnically diverse family
curious of the differences, yet both drawn
and repelled like a moth to a flame
one of only a handful of such families
in an all-white neighborhood
though I did not distinguish it
then
my reddish skinned father and white mother
craving more but for unspoken reasons
spoken in private understanding
she from impoverished beginnings
he in accepting only European roots
agreeing upon only one thing in union
the dictates of societal norms for me
a child of the female persuasion
that marriage is best accepted sooner
than later & children are part of the
sanctioned outcome
but mind you if such an arrangement
is not a path upon which you wish to tread
then only professions of nursing
and teaching will suffice
for creativity in writing or artistic endeavor
will never sustain you in living
and you would know this
in hindsight
now in hindsight I only understand that
not everything that comes before
is better than that which
comes later
in hindsight I wish I had known that
choosing the passion of your heart
over being accepted
is what my path
Should
Have
Been
© Renee Espriu May 2019
Photo Taken From Public Domain Pictures & Created As Art
reneejustturtleflight.com 
Nicely done. Honestly, Renee, my mind has covered that ground over and over again in my life. If I were truthful at this point I would say that having been given a chance to go to art school? I likely would never have pursued it to its end. I was so conditioned to academics that my mind latched onto certain things habitually. I craved to know more, and at the time thought knowledge could only be obtained within the pages of books.
What is odd is that out of seven children, I was the only one who was really interested in my dad’s profession as a consulting engineer/architect. But he never encouraged me in any way, save medicine.
In the end, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. It’s made me who I am today.
Love and aloha to you! ❤️
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I, of course, cannot totally change things now but I can begin to write and create art that I have longed to do my entire life. Once I chose to marry and have children my life would never be as I would have wanted. So, unfortunately, I would change some choices even though I love my children all the way to the great grandchildren. I do regret having thought and believed that family dictates were so awfully important. Depression era people had some very strict ideas as to work ethic and what men and women were expected to do. I longed for acceptance so made my choices based on that. But now I am making some different choices and hopefully, some will reach what I expect and no one else. Thanks for your comments as always and for sharing so much of yourself here. Aloha!
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And the same to you, Renee. I, too had Depression era parents who lifted themselves far beyond the lack of their own childhoods. But mistakes were made that could not be undone.
So interesting where we’ve all come from. I of course wish you nothing but the best! Aloha. ❤️
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I wish you the same, Bela. Aloha!
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An interesting post – so many ways our lives can go – never can we truly predict…
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So true. But I will always believe that depending on the class you are born into and their own belief system based on social expectations is what still determines what many people…especially women, are bound to follow. My parents were depression era folks and a strong work ethic is what dictated to them what their children should do. No one can predict, of course, and I would certainly not have thought mine would go as it did. One never knows but I always wish I had made other choices other than the ones I did. My draw to please my parents was extremely strong. Thanks for stopping by.
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It’s definitely hard to not have regrets, the longer I live. You are brave to meet them head on, Renee.
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A thought-provoking post, Renee. Those of us with depression era parents didn’t have the freedom of choice that current generations do. Or rather, it wasn’t that we couldn’t choose, but we were afraid to go outside the norms. As you noted, teaching and nursing were encouraged (and secretarial work) but we were especially encouraged to marry young and raise a family. The one thing I would do over is to have stayed in college and waited a few more years before marrying. Thank you for this post! I’m glad you now finally have the time to pursue your real interests!
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Yes, quite right. I really believed that being accepted was part and parcel to do what they believed you should. So, I did. I did go back to college when my youngest (of five) was in school but then when I was done, I once again found myself in a tight spot as then I had to much education for some jobs and not enough youth for others and still others not enough experience. Raising children didn’t count. But I did get the degree and ended up retiring from an insurance company. Life has never been dull but I so wished I would have made other choices. But it is what it is at this point and now I do have the time and am trying to make the best of it. Only time will tell…as they say. Thanks for stopping by and for understanding. You and I must have been both raised by people of the same generation and so you know. Take care.
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I guess in truth Renee, if we all were given that Hindsight, we may well have not been who we are today… But our paths made us who we are today, so I give thanks for all the ups and downs of life..
Sending you loads of love my friend.. We had a wonderful holiday break, and was so pleased to see you… I hope that things soon work out so you have your free space and peace once again my friend.. In hindsight those who have our best interests at heart are not always the perfect solutions.. But I am sure one will be found that suits all.. ❤
Much love dear Renee.. Take care of you.. that is the main thing.. ❤
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