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fighting back the fears
of losing you always
illusive as giant spiders
crawling over me
on the attack..ATTACKING
talking to you calmly
joking about tomorrows
amidst sterile sheets
IV lines needle piercing
driP, drIP, DRIPPING
watching your eyes
close beneath the shining
BRIGHT hospital lights
you seem SO very small
but only to me
glancing as attendants
wheel people by their
surgery already done
time goes by the
clock ticK, tiCK, TICKING
purple hospital gown
images of teddy bears
my heart beating
against my rib cage
thump…THUMPING
you lay before me waiting
and…one minute here
…the next one gone
time mediates anxiety
’til i see you smile again
© November 2012
Renee Espriu
My daughter had a successful surgery to remove surgical clips left from a surgery some 14yrs ago now and is doing well. The doctor who did the surgery has since disappeared (you hear about this happening to people you don’t know) but my daughter is now happy that perhaps she can get on with life. These are the things that went through my mind before her surgery.
reneejustturtleflight.com 
You have captured so well the experience of waiting for others in surgery. Glad to hear your daughter is now doing well.
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Thanks Libby! She will always have Lupus but her health is much improved after surgery.
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No matter how simple the procedure may be or how difficult, it is still a surgical procedure, it must have put you right on the knife edge of fear. Thankful for you, that all went so well Renee. I hope your daughter will be well now. Some surgeon’s skill is all fake.
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Misha will always have Lupus, as you know, but she has said that the inflammation in her body has reduced greatly since surgery. The nerve damage will remain and there will always be that pain but not have so much inflammation is huge and just to see her smile and laugh…well, it is all I could really ask for. Thank you for all of your thoughts.
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Poignant write, Renee. I am happy your daughter is doing well. Good news.
Pamela
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Thanks Pamela! I have to say that when she was finally diagnosed with Lupus I was devastated but the last 14yrs of not knowing why she was in so much pain…well, it is always the not knowing part that is hard and that is what she has always said. As long as I know mom then I can deal. Now that the clips are gone she can move forward.
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to have one’s child under surgeon’s blade… its a painful test for a mother. i wish you never had to go through any such experience ever again (apart from having grandkids)
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One can never know how a path traveled will go but I try, with each twist and turn, to endure and to accept and to let go. I do so for myself and my children. Thanks for your comments.
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you are a brave, loving soul! your soul guides you through these turbulences.
love and hugs.
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It’s a terrific poem. I’m so glad everything turned out okay. Tomorrow morning I have to take my daughter to the oral surgeon to have her four front teeth removed. You can imagine my dread.
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Hope your daughter is recovering from her surgery. My daughter heals a little each day. Sorry not to respond sooner but my modem died so was without the internet for a few days.
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oh glad she feels good and everything turned out well…felt fear in this..my husband has a surgery next week…and even though it’s a routine thing it’s still not easy..
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Thank you Claudia and each day is a little better. I wil hold your husband in my heart and send Angels to surround him so things go well. I was without internet for a few days as modem died but it is all good again.
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Reading the above comments Renee,, its good to know your daughter is doing well, and the poem took me to my own time when my young daughter was rushed into hospital at the age of 18mths, So Happy that there is Light at the end of the tunnel… and those Teddy-bears see us through both wonderful and daunting times…
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She is doing better and I am glad as her boyfriend/fiance’ is leaving to go to Afghanistan Dec 1st. He works for a company that contracts to work on the Strikers they use. He will be gone six months then back for a visit and gone for six more. I have grown quite fond of him and he says it is quite safe where he will be but please do send your wonderful thoughts for his safety so he may return to my daughter. Thank You!
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Oh my, so sorry you and your daughter had to go through that and very happy for you both that things have turned out well.
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I love you mamma. Your words are beautiful as always. I have gotten my strength from you and Nana. I thank you both for being such strong women.
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Love you too and am so happy to see you in better health since your surgery. I know you are strong too. Mom was so very stubborn as am I and neither let life get to us…she did not until just a few years before she died…and I try not to. Life is a wonderful thing even amidst adversity.
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